why i don’t take pilates classes
This morning I went to a class at CycleBar, my first workout class ever. I was on Facetime the night before with my boyfriend trying to figure out what to wear, if it would be weird to wear sweats over my workout fit and to change in the locker room, if I was going to be able to keep up with the class. All of these “if’s” that have stopped me from ever attending a workout class before. So many other girls seem to be taking pilates classes, living their best lives as “pilates princesses,” but I’ve never been able to make myself attend a class, or even go to the gym by myself.
I’ve never been the most athletic person. In P.E. (physical education class), I was always one of the last ones to finish running the mile and always seemed out of breath doing warmups with the rest of the class. No one in my family had a gym membership, though we did tour a gym when I was around 10 and I was intimidated by all the machines (and still am). I never learned to workout like the fitness influencers that were on Instagram and TikTok, or even my peers who I would hear talk about going to the gym as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
I know that every year one of the most common New Year’s resolutions is to “start going to the gym” or to “workout more.” I know that I am not the only one who is scared to start going to the gym or to take workout classes. And I’ve heard everyone’s comments that everyone is only paying attention to themselves at the gym, and it’s okay to not be the strongest, but I still can’t seem to get myself to go.
The first time I exercised at a gym was when my boyfriend and I had first started dating, and he wanted to take me because it was apart of his routine, and he wanted to help me get over my fear. Having a person instructing me took away a good portion of my fears, someone who could help me adjust the machines and get into the right positions. Yet, the thought of even having to change the weight on the machine by myself at the time sparked anxiety. What if I was doing it wrong and everyone was looking at me? How would I ever be able to go to the gym alone? What are you supposed to do in between sets? What if I don’t know how to do an exercise or set up a machine? I went for the first time with my boyfriend two years ago, and still can’t bring myself to go alone.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy exercising, I told my boyfriend. I’m mostly fine when doing at-home workouts, following Youtube videos, and I know it makes my body feel good, but doing it in public seemed like a sure way to bring myself embarrassment. Even though I would never care about someone not being able to figure out a machine around me and would never judge someone in that way. And going to the gym or a class gives me the perfect excuse to wear cute sets, so why can I not make myself go?
This past August, my birthday month, I had considered taking a workout class at a female only gym, with a cute sun mural, plants, and a coffee bar. I figured it would be a start towards being able to go to the gym alone or being able to take a pilates classes, if I was able to go to just one class by myself, and it would be a good start to the next year in my life. I never booked that class, due to scheduling or most likely due to my fears. But I knew that I had to get over my fear of taking a workout class.
Two days ago, an opportunity to take a spin class arose when my friend, back in town for her school’s winter break, told me she was interested in going and that it would be free for me as a first class. We invited our other friend to go and I decided it was now or never, and I booked the class. Yes, I did have a lot of fears last night before going, but I completed the class! The receptionist let me know that for my first class, I shouldn’t be worried about keeping up with the pace, which eased my nerves a little. There was a locker with my name decorated for my first class, the instructor was friendly and helped me get into the bike, and the woman next to me even helped me by explaining the gears and the screens.
While everyone was able to stand on their bikes and pedal for extended periods of time, I stayed sitting on my seat because my thighs burned two minutes in. I was not able to keep up with the class, which was one of my fears, but I was in the back of the room so nobody seemed to notice or care, and I remembered the receptionist’s words. At one point towards the end, the instructor put up a leaderboard of the class, and seeing my name second to last made me feel better that I wasn’t last (not that it would have mattered to anyone or that I was judging the person in last, I just felt better knowing I was doing a little better than someone which maybe I shouldn’t revel in). I finished the class in spot number 21, out of 29 people. The class had been full of millennial women (not surprising) who seemed to know every beat to the rave-remixes of songs I had never heard of, so the music could have been better, but I had my friends next to me and I completed the class.
Today’s class feels like a step in the right direction in my fitness journey, and the right foot to start out on entering the new year. Someday, I will be able to go the gym by myself and maybe even be a “pilates princess.” For now, I’ll continue doing my little workouts at home, getting stronger so I’m not scared of not being able to do exercises at the gym or a pilates class (even though I wasn’t able to do the same exercises as everyone else in today’s class, and that was okay). I’ll start going to the gym more with my boyfriend so I can become more comfortable with the exercises, and maybe be able to replicate them on my own. And I’ll continue buying workout sets, in hopes that it will motivate me to learn to workout on my own at any gym or class that I choose.
i feel this in my soul… and little did i know i’d ever be a professional in this industry!